Hope Blossoms


I like my life to be smooth and quiet, free of drama.  When I think of women who need the assistance of abuse programs, and realizing I am stereotyping when I do this, I think of women who are weak, have a habit of making bad decisions and are probably not well educated.  So, when I was required to make a trip downtown today to file an emergency protective order, and I had to do this at a family safety organization, I felt a bit humiliated.  I had no choice but to swallow my pride.

The entrance to organization, as you would expect, was monitored by security.  I had to have a bag check and a wand scan (I'm not sure what that is called). I had to check-in and then I was assigned an advocate as my children were assigned to the playroom.  My advocate directed me to a cubicle and as we made our way there we passed other women who were visiting with their advocates.  It looked like a busy morning.

I was disappointed to learn I would have to return that afternoon to see the judge. I knew I had to do this, but it couldn't be over with soon enough.

After running errands and eating lunch, the babies and I returned.  A small group of the violated were led to our private court.  It didn't look like a courtroom.  It was a small, dark room with grey cinder block walls and about 10 office chairs facing a large computer monitor perched upon a pedestal.

The process was explained to us by one of the clerks.  We were going to skype with the judge from her courtroom at the courthouse in the next building.  The clerk gave the floor to a chaplain who talked about free counseling and services that were available to us.  If we needed anything, or just to talk, we could find her after the session.  Then she picked up a basket and asked each of us to take a hope blossom, and if we had children to grab one for them.  They were hand knitted or knotted flowers created by retired volunteers and were a symbol that we were not alone, that people cared and help was available.

I loved the idea of this and picked up one for me and one for Sky, and then later I asked if I could have one for each of the babies, too.  To me these symbolize a new beginning and that each of us will be stronger for what we are experiencing.

These are our hope blossoms.  The duck is a toy given to Clara by the child care worker and is made by the same group of retired volunteers.  I guess it is a hope duck. :)

Then the judge came online.  I wasn't surprised when our screen froze while the judge was speaking, and then we lost sound.  The city's technology is no better than that we have in our homes.

There were three cases.  As she called the first one I learned details of this young woman's experience that I would rather not have known.  Again, I felt shame that others would hear the details of my case.  Fortunately, during my time in the "captain's chair", as they called it, she didn't let the details slip.  As she granted my order for me and the three children she simply said, "I'm sorry you went through this."

I will see her again in a couple of weeks to decide what action, if any, to take next.

When we returned to the "safe center" we were welcomed back with snacks and beverages as we waited for the paper copies of our orders.  The chaplain visited with each of us to see if we had any needs, and stressed the importance of seeking counseling, which we are already in process of through another organization.

Once the orders arrived, I went to pick up the children in the next room.  We received parting gifts.  The worker let Clara and Lxkas each have a toy, or two, and also gave each a blanket, again made with care by the organization that made the blossoms, and the duck.

This one is for Lxkas.  It still has a tag that says it was made by Gloria.  Thank you, Gloria.  It will keep him secure through his toddler years.  Thank you for caring about people you will never meet.  

Clara's blanket didn't have a tag with a name, but the work on both is beautiful, and I am appreciative of the person who made this one as well.  

Our reasons for seeking the order are ugly, but the process through which we went to accomplish the task was made pleasant by a wonderful organization.  Abuse does not discriminate.  We are not alone.  There are people that care, and help is available.  Hope blossoms.

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