There is always good news

down syndrome is okay

I originally started this blog as a place to release the pain I was dealing with upon learning Clara, still in utero, had Down syndrome.  As I learned about Ds I became more and more comfortable with it.  When she was born I absolutely and unconditionally loved her but wished I could still take that extra chromosome away from her.

Today, just under two months shy of her first birthday, I wouldn't change who my little girl is for the world.  I love her as she is.  I now believe, contrary to what I was saying a year ago, that this is who she was meant to be.

I see other parents in such a rush to get their kids caught up with typical children and it makes me feel guilty that I am so accepting of Clara as she is.  I question my parenting.  Should I be pushing her harder?  Am I at fault if she isn't meeting typical milestones?  I don't know what the right answer is.  I want her to be happy, and I guarantee she is getting unlimited amounts of love from a mommy who is damn proud.

bath time

There are times I find myself trying to seer a moment into my mind, as if to tuck it away so I can retrieve it in my later years when I need a happy memory.  Or maybe it's for if I go to heaven, I want to remember the beautiful things I experienced here on earth.

One of those moments was tonight.

The babies always bathe together.  It's easier that way.  I bathe Clara first and I always let her end her bath with splash time.  She sits up after being scrubbed down and looks between her feet and pats the water.  She loves it.

Tonight Lxkas was sitting next to her and  lightly splashed along with her, but minding his own water territory.  He is twice her size, but with their wet, dark hair and smooth, brown skin they were equals in their love of the water and it was a beautiful sibling moment.  I wished I had a camera handy but I don't even think it could have come close to doing the moment justice.

new job

Yes, I have joined the ranks of the employed working as a temporary social worker for the state.  It will last at least four more weeks but I have an interview at the end of the month for a permanent position.  I want it bad.

letter to him

After work today I had an appointment with my therapist.  She is concerned that I'm bottling my pain.  She suggested I either write him a letter (but not to deliver, of course) or talk to a chair in which he is pretend seated.  I told her I didn't think I could pull off a Clint Eastwood but that I would give the letter a go.  I'm going to try and accomplish that task this weekend and post it here.  I think I might have a lot to say.

are you a princess?

I was changing the sheets on the bed a bit ago and Lxkas was in my room doing what Lxkas does (getting into things he shouldn't), and he saw a jeweled crown his dad had purchased from Bath and Body Works for my birthday last year to compliment some lotions.  He asked, "Are you a princess, Mommy?"

"Yes," I said.  "Mommy is a princess."