Check Out

That was the title of my final farewell email: Check Out. I've been anticipating this day and it couldn't come soon enough. Actually, it was supposed to come a couple of weeks later; originally, by now, but requested a couple of weeks later. But, I couldn't wait any longer. The chapter of my life that held that career for nearly seven years had closed and staying was holding me back. I have plans.

Check Out. I left a long list of items that needed care. They were supposed to have found a replacement by now. I don't feel guilty because they dragged their feet. But they have clear directions to keep that department moving in the interim. At least I provided that. And then I was gone. Yes, I checked out way back in November. Didn't you notice? Nobody noticed that I'd lost hold and control of my life. I can't believe nobody noticed.

As I hit "send" I was overtaken by tears and disbelief in myself. I questioned my sanity for leaving a career I had worked hard to build. I had given nearly 7 years to this company. It was a company I had once strongly believed in but had grown to hate. I had just never had enough reason to leave before. And then, mid-November, I suddenly had the kicker I needed, and my list hit 5 good reasons.

And now I am officially unemployed. I can't remember how this is supposed to feel. Have I ever really been unemployed in my adult life before? Will the next 8 months be me sailing? Or will I rediscover myself?

What I'm hoping for is a personal renaissance. I want to be a renaissance woman. My plans include everything I enjoy, including my young children, one who is still 2 months away from greeting this world.  I've even created a daily schedule so I'm sure to leave nothing out.

Life unexpectedly brought me pain, but I'm hoping to turn it to joy.

And now, I'm free. And still, I question that statement.