Lxkas was the baby for 21 months. While I was pregnant with Clara we would often wonder, "How is Lxkas going to take not being the baby anymore?" But with everything that was going on with Clara it didn't really get much more thought than the initial wonder.
Though I absolutely love this photo (taken by his aunt with my camera) it also leaves me with a sense of sadness. I wonder how much he actually realizes in the moment this photo was snapped. He looks settled into that stance, drinking his sippy, hand in pocket with thoughts running through his head as the nurse tends to this tiny creature he's never before seen. What were those thoughts? Does he realize his reign as the baby has come to an abrupt end? I doubt it, but he does know that something has changed. Suddenly, there is a tinier person and that person is front and center getting an awful lot of attention from everyone he loves. And he is suddenly watching.
The above photos were taken at the children's hospital when we were there to get Clara's blood drawn. Her pediatrician didn't want to do it in his office because when she was born the nurses struggled to get blood from her tiny veins. Anyway, the children's hospital had toys in every waiting area and every office. Though we were there for Clara he got to have all the fun.
I don't think the appearance of Clara has been devastatingly traumatic to him, but there have been some mood changes. And why wouldn't there be? He's not old enough to understand what has happened. I think losing the title of "baby" would be rough enough, but to lose it to someone who has consumed Mommy's thoughts with stress, worry and a range of emotions for the past several months really has to be tough. And the time she has suddenly taken from him--I can't hold him whenever he asks anymore, because sometimes I am soothing or feeding his little sister. He cries because he doesn't understand this. Juggling the babies has become a rough routine in my day and I hate to admit this, but Clara usually wins for the attention.I had wanted to have Lxkas potty-trained before Clara got here, and the weekend I had planned to start I was put into the hospital, and then on my release I was put on bed rest. So, I thought about starting when I brought Clara home, but then I read it is best not to start with the arrival of a new sibling. I thought about it and realized that would have been rough. Not only are you not the baby, but I'm kicking you out of your diapers as well. Grow up!
I have to give him credit, though. He's an emotionally tough little man. He insists on kissing her goodnight every night before he goes to bed and he asks about her as I tuck him in. He knows she is staying up with Mommy and Daddy, yet he makes himself care anyway. And when we were at the children's hospital getting her blood drawn, as she cried because those technicians (also) had a hard time finding veins to draw blood, he cried in sympathy, insisting that I hold him so he could see what was happening. I do believe he loves her.
But he's a monster in the bath. It's easier for me to bathe them together (as you can imagine), so while he is playing with his ducks I grab her from her crib and give her a quick scrubbing in the same tub and if she's lucky, she gets out without being splashed by her littlest big brother. This rarely happens.
I think my oldest daughter went through something similar when Lxkas was born, though she was 15 and learned to deal with it on her own. She made the comment to him the other day, "Now you know how I felt." Until then I hadn't given much thought about the impact of him coming into the family had on her.
Though there's not a lot I can do about it right now while Clara is so little and breastfeeding, I am aware of the difficulty her arrival has had on him. I make it a point to give him undivided attention when I can, but it hurts during those times when I can't. I'm starting to accept that throughout life children will simply continue to break their parent's hearts, no matter how small the issue.
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