The Good, The Bad and Kinda Ugly

Clara inside her sling.  It's a comfy and peaceful world in there. 

Of course I'm going to start with the good.  Yesterday evening Clara's Lite-on-Shoulder baby sling came in the mail.  I practiced using it while we prepared dinner last night and to my surprise Clara loves the thing.  It's not that I expected her to hate it.  I guess I thought that it would be more about me and my pleasure and she just wouldn't care.  Well, that is not the case.  Cxdy said it must be like being back in the womb for her and I think he's right; after all, she still isn't due out of the womb! (This coming Saturday is her due date).  She is so comfortable in it that she falls into a deep, heavenly sleep, which also makes it easier to put her down in her bassinet and keep her there.  She looks so adorable snuggled up in it as evidenced by the photo.

As for me, I find it comfortable to carry, but I do worry about her positioning, as sometimes it seems like maybe her head gets a little too tilted forward.  But I did use it this morning during Clara's doctor visit and it was so much easier to corral Lxkas without having my hands tied up with her.

  

Clara and I model the sling...

While brother plays in the sink. 

Other good things happening today:  I made contact via a web form with The Little Light House to get on their waiting list.  I'm just waiting on a call back.  Also, I called the SoonerStart offices and got the ball rolling to get Clara's early intervention paperwork completed.  They will be back in touch with me in 7 to 10 days.  I'm not sure why there is a wait, but that's okay.  She enjoys being a newborn and doesn't realize she's missing it yet.  

I mentioned we had a visit with the doctor today and this is where the bad and kinda ugly come in.  

First of all, I'm glad that our winter storm mostly stayed north because the streets were fine this morning.  I really didn't want Clara to miss this appointment.  It's just a gut feeling I had that she needed to be seen.  The result is that while there wasn't anything devastating life just seems a little bit more challenging.  

Clara has lost weight since her birth, which I did not expect.  She now weighs 6 pounds and 4 ounces--8 ounces less than birth.  The doctor said she should be gaining weight now.  His suspicion is that she is having a hard time sucking at the breast.  He theorizes that while she works hard to suck she is burning more calories than she is taking in so he prescribed a preemie formula to us that has a high fat content.  We are to give her an ounce of this after each nursing.  

I'm not so sure about his theory.  I wish he was right.  I want him to be right.  But when we got home I had to wake Clara to feed, which she did for about ten minutes, and then I tried to give her the additional ounce.  She didn't want anything to do with it--just flat out wasn't interested.  In fact, she started gagging on it as I tried to keep the bottle nipple in her mouth.  I'm worried that young lady simply doesn't have an appetite, which isn't good because she needs to grow.  But, I'll keep trying.  He wants to see her back Monday for another weighing, which has me relieved. If this isn't working then he and I need to keep talking.

I noticed at Clara's last appointment that the doctor seemed to have an interest in her eyes, but she wouldn't let him have a very good look just yet.  So, this time I wasn't surprised when he spent a good deal of time looking into them with his instrument.  He said he sees a red tint when the irises react to light (I could have phrased that totally incorrectly, but that's what I walked away with) which could be attributed to her darker complexion, as I presume it is not uncommon among darker folk.  But, he is referring her to an ophthalmologist to rule out cataracts.  Again, not devastating, but it's something I definitely need to read up on and prepare myself.  

Clara on a table in the lab at the Children's Hospital.  Unsuspecting. :(
Her foot is in a warming pad. That's where the tech will squeeze for blood.

After the appointment we went downstairs to get a chest x-ray to take with us to our appointment with the pediatric cardiologist on the 14th.  Then we went across the street to the children's hospital to get her blood drawn.  He wanted to check her platelet count again and also check her bilirubin levels.  To me she still looks a little yellow. 

When we were leaving the children's hospital there were three men huddled together outside.  One of the men was praying loudly and I heard him ask God to "help her young lungs to heal" and immediately I lost it.  Tears started flowing and I hurried past their group so they wouldn't see.  

I lost it because in the building behind me someone's little girl was struggling for her life.

I lost it because there were plenty of young children in the building I had just left struggling for their lives.  When I'm there I try not to look at them too closely.  I don't want to know if they are short-term residents or just passing through like us because I don't want to think about it.  

I lost it because I don't want that building I had just left to become a routine for us.  I don't want to know it any better.  

I lost it because I know there is something wrong with Clara; why doesn't she hunger for enough milk?

I lost it because that could easily be my little girl in that building struggling for her life.  

And that is the ugly.