Late at Night

A few times over the past month I've found myself lying awake in the middle of the night.  I'm not sure what wakes me.  Perhaps it is a dream. But my thoughts are consumed with Clara--her health, her birth, how she is now. Is she okay?  Will she be okay?  Does her daddy lying next to me worry for her, too?  Or is it my responsibility to worry for the both of us?

The first time was not long after we had gotten her affirmative diagnosis. I remember my tears kept flowing and I lay in the dark trying to keep my breathing under control so as not to wake Cxdy. I didn't think the tears would ever stop.  Last night there were no tears; only concern and mental planning.

I get to check in on her at the perinatologist tomorrow.  My understanding is from this point on they'll be checking certain things to make sure she is still thriving in her environment on a weekly basis. Should she not pass on anything they check then they will weigh the options on whether to let her continue inside me or if it's time to come out.

I'm hoping for a good night's sleep.